I would never claim to have had the worst upbringing (because I certainly didn't for the most part), but back in 2000, when Shenmue was released over here, I was slap-bang in the middle of a really shitty time during my life. I was being bullied on a daily basis at school; I felt terribly isolated and alien to my peers due to social anxiety disorder; my family was fragmenting and fucking up in ways that simply can't be put into words; and home life in general just wasn't stable or good. In fact, it was a down-right raw misery at times. The one sanctuary I had away from all of this, however, was video games. I started playing games at around the age of three, and while I adored them and they were a huge part of my life, the games I would play were all very A-to-B affairs; Metal Gear Solid , 2D platformers, fighting games, Tony Hawk's , point-and-clickers, etc.

Then, in (I believe) 1999, my older brother bought a Dreamcast, and some time after that came Shenmue . You'll hear this from plenty of fans of the game, but it was like nothing I had ever played before. There was an objective, sure, but the path leading to that objective wasn't a corridor; it was like a vast open field graced with a sense of freedom and being able to just live your life and go at your leisure. The very first time I played it, I didn't have a clue what I was doing; I was so used to pop-ups telling me what I had to do or obvious pointers directing me down the correct path. Shenmue had none of that; so much so that I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do or how to progress from the first instance where gameplay as handed over to you. (I even wasted an entire day because I got lost in the Hazuki house the first time I played :lol:) I eventually got to grips with what the game was about, and so the journey began.

It was during this journey that I started feeling things I wasn't feeling anywhere in the real world: a sense of place, meaning, importance, and a great sense of comfort and belonging. The game's world is designed to make you feel at home, and I honestly don't think they could have done a better job. Even though Ryo is very familiar with the locales and its citizens, you, as the player, aren't (at first), but you slowly start to familiarise with them as you progress further and further and spend more time around them, and you're able to form a connection with them. You start to make sense of things in your mind such as who would be the best person to ask about such-and-such and what the best course of action to progress would be, because the world makes sense. And when I feel like taking a break from going through the story? I can just say I'll do that later and focus on doing something else, whether it be training my moves, playing arcade games, or just conversing with the locals, whereas with a 2D platformer, for example, what are your options? Pause the game or turn off the system and come back later.

So, even though shitty things may have been happening in the real world, those things simply didn't matter as much any more because, thanks to the game, I knew I would greeted by all the things lacking in real life in the game world the second I stepped back in. I even started replicating Ryo's fighting style, pretending I was fighting against the bullies and emerging victorious. I never took it any further than my house, 'fighting' people who weren't really there, however, because I never plucked up the courage to actually fight back. As useless as hindsight is, to this day I wish I'd fought back and stood up for myself. I'm still eternally grateful for that slight spark of confidence it gave to me, though. Without Shenmue , I wouldn't have even had that, and I dread to think where I would have ended up. In all honesty, I think Shenmue saved me from doing something really stupid to myself, and for a video game to be able to help someone in that way is unbelievable.

Even to this day, when I'm feeling shitty, thoughts about Shenmue start to emerge in my mind. It's like my default happy place, and do you know what? It helps. It absolutely helps.

Thank you, Shenmue .