SCRIPTSHADOW POSTED THE DEUX LOGLINE AMONG THIRTY OTHERS ON HIS LATEST BLOG POST!!!!http://scriptshadow.blogspot.com/2012/1 ... ts-to.htmlDeux
Action/Thriller
A twenty something signs up as a weapons tester in a high-tech duel to wipe his debt, but to get his pay he must defeat his next opponent--an adversary he can't seem to kill.
Would I read? - This logline suffers from being too vague. A "twenty something?" Can we come up with a protagonist we can actually visualize? How about "A genius computer hacker?" Also, the ending kills this logline: "An adversary he can't seem to kill." Way way waaaay too general. You need to be more specific.
Thinking it over now, like if I were to pick a movie in Redbox and I saw my own logline i'd think it was a crappy low-end action film based on the way its written. Might have to bring it back to the drawing board once more.
I was more interested in what people actually thought of the first ten pages (which I submitted and you can download in the link). One guy thought it was too confusing but another said I was one of the few who had a "voice". And that is one of the best compliments you can ever receive aside from "this kicks ass, we need to shoot this PRONTO."
Unfortunately, being at the bottom of the list not too many people have read it. People thinking its some generic Shoot Em Up action film based on the logline doesn't help matters. But I hope to get whatever feedback possible. In truth, DEUX is the weakest logline compared to my other two scripts. But ironically, its the best written i've script so far. When I submit TECH and PROJECT EXODUS, i'm hoping to get more positive vibes.
Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2012 7:55 pmThis will flip his lid.
