I need your opinion. I need your help

[King John Blaze]

This forum must be special. I have friends, family an other specific forums I could have gone to but something drew me here.

I am on a fast downwards spiral mentally. On the face of it, I am doing great. 28 years old and I own a car outright, recently bought my own house and got married middle of this year. All of this paid for with my own money. I also have a child on the way, a seemingly great job and apart from being a bit of the chubby side, I am healthy. However, mentally I am in the worst position I have ever been in. My productivity at work and slumped to pretty much doing nothing and I do not care if I get fired. And the child that is on the way, should be motivating me, but again I don't care. I was brave enough to refer myself in for mental help and I am just waiting to see what happens.

Anyway, first I just want your opinion as my wife and I had an argument and when we tried to resolve it, it just made the situation worse. I am quite a flinchy/ticklish guy. My wife loves to do things that make me jump. On occasions I have flinched and hit her by mistake. For example, she snuck up on me and grabbed me by the ribs once and I struck her with an elbow. She has been doing this for years and I have told her how extremely irritating it is all the time, however, though it gets to me I bit my lip about it as she wouldn't stop and it was just her way of having fun.

However, since she got pregnant, especially now that she is showing, I have pleaded with her to stop doing it. Though it is unlikely and hasn't happened in the past, I don't even want to risk me hitting her in the stomach for obvious reasons. Even when we sleep, I make sure she sleeps with a thick pillow in front of her stomach in case she was going to (as she does often) spook me out of my sleep. Anyway, we were in living room and she snuck up on me and tickled my ribs. I turned to her and sternly (though not to cause any bad vibe between us) and said "please, please, please don't do that. I know it's weird but I really don't want to accidentally hit you". She dismissed it by saying "yeah, yeah" and I turned around to continue what I was doing. A few seconds later she comes up to me and does it again. This time I lost it, as she turned around I through a small, half empty hand moisturizer bottle at her behind.

I went on to ask why she was so stubborn and what she done was idiotic. We ended up having an small argument and never spoke to each other for literally a week. This Monday we had a talk about it after work and she was putting all the blame on me. I apologized and said I shouldn't have thrown the thing at her, but also pointed out it was far less harmful than her "playfully" punching me in the chest all the time. She kept going on about how no man has hit her before and that she had to check she wasn't bleeding because the bottle throw hurt so bad. She also kept repeating how disappointed and scared she was at me due to the fact I could "consciously beat your wife with a bottle".

All of this was being said in front of strangers in the bar we were in and it was like she was intentionally raising her voice for all to hear. I got to a point I was believing that I beated on her with a bottle, not a half empty, travel size bottle of hand cream. She also kept on saying my reaction was not justified. I know it wasn't, but had to stress she pushed me to this by constantly doing something I have asked her not to do. It's like Chinese Water Torture. Strap someone to a chair and drop drops of water on their head is no biggy. Do it for an hour and it will drive a man insane!

We always have these arguments where I just feel that she does not take account my feelings, exaggerates the situation until she believes that as truth and is so stubborn in her ways that she can't even admit when she was in the wrong even if it slaps her in the face. I can't take it anymore. If it wasn't for this baby on the way and the house, I would have sought a divorce.

Sorry for the rant guys. I had to get it off my chest somewhere.

[Sonikku]

If she can't respect your feelings despite being told repeatedly and you can't stop hitting or throwing things at her when she doesn't then continuing to have a relationship with her is a non starter. Unfortunate about having one on the way, that complicates matters. But raising a child in a toxic environment is not fair to the child so your best bet is to break it off and move out with visitation rights with your kid.
assuming of course this isn't a troll
Or, if that doesn't work, there's always Plan B.

[shredingskin]

It was a kinda violent reaction, but you two must not be in the best of terms I guess.

Probably you are just really anxious about the big changes that are going to occur, maybe you should go to a psychiatrist to give you some anxiety medication and hope for the best.

You are in a though position if you would already have had a divorce if it wasn't for the pregnancy though.

BTW elboing someone because you are "ticklish" is not normal behavior, really, you should talk to a therapist or something.

[Monkei]

She sounds like a huge pain in the ass. Why would you tolerate her spooking you out of your sleep regularly? Sounds like a pretty psycho thing to do. Just like publicly twisting the facts about that "bottle beating" incident. Why live with someone like that? You keep apologizing and submitting to her, she keeps manipulating and dominating to an unhealthy degree. Break out of that. Find your balls and speak up or, and that would probably the best thing to do, divorce the weirdo cunt.

[shredingskin]

It's kinda hard to divorce while waiting for a baby.

And yes, if the conversation went how this thread says, it's very manipulative, hopefully you don't get stuck with some borderline psycho.

But to be honest both seem kinda unestable, hopefully it's just the anxiety of having a kid, and things can get back to normal.

[King John Blaze]

It was a kinda violent reaction, but you two must not be in the best of terms I guess.

Probably you are just really anxious about the big changes that are going to occur, maybe you should go to a psychiatrist to give you some anxiety medication and hope for the best.

You are in a though position if you would already have had a divorce if it wasn't for the pregnancy though.

BTW elboing someone because you are "ticklish" is not normal behavior, really, you should talk to a therapist or something.

Just to clarify, the elbow was not intentional. I was surprised and raised an elbow when reacting

She sounds like a huge pain in the ass. Why would you tolerate her spooking you out of your sleep regularly? Sounds like a pretty psycho thing to do. Just like publicly twisting the facts about that "bottle beating" incident. Why live with someone like that? You keep apologizing and submitting to her, she keeps manipulating and dominating to an unhealthy degree. Break out of that. Find your balls and speak up or, and that would probably the best thing to do, divorce the weirdo cunt.

She's does weird things when we sleep, like popping up and shaking me awake. Most of the time it is not concious, more night tremors. She does however shake me awake when I snore which has been another issue. I wake up much earlier than I have to either because sets her alarm ridiculously early or now that she's pregnant, when I take her to the station everyday. I am a bad sleeper as it is and have let her know that her waking me up all the time is very detrimental to my health. There was like a month period where, for whatever reason I was snoring. The second I would doze off and make the slightest sound she would wake me up. I tried and tried explaining to her what damage it is doing but she continued.

Funny thing is, when I brought up the fact that one day she was snoring the house down she asked why I didn't wake her up to which I replied "I know you have work early in the morning and like to get as much sleep as possible". The fact that she even asked me shows that whatever part of the brain that manages consideration for other people in completely lacking.

[sand4fish]

I believe the divorce talks are a bit rushed, unless you already set your mind for it. It's unfair for me to judge you or your wife as I don't know you in person, so I think you guys need an objective, professional eye like a marriage counsellor to dig deep through your problems and go from there. It seems (by your account) that your wife is clueless of her actions being detrimental and any word from you would bring her to a defensive stance or a simply shrug, so that's why a professional third party would be ideal as it would put her "denial" open to talks.

[damon]

...

[MiTT3NZ]

Well you're clearly an idiot. Ever heard of hormones? Read up about what happens when a woman's pregnant. God help you if you have a daughter.

[redline]

I am on a fast downwards spiral mentally.

have you thought about joining an outdoor fitness club or running club? it can greatly help out your mental health & you get fit at the same time.

[St. Elmo's Fire]

Watch out if you do go for a divorce, if she's already manipulating the situation to be worse than it is (saying "he assaulted me with a bottle" in front of other people, saying "I had to check I wasn't bleeding because it hurt so much" etc.), then the level of crazy will probably multiply ten-fold and she may say those things to a solicitor and/or in court to make you look bad.

[ShenmueForeseen]

Well you're clearly an idiot. Ever heard of hormones? Read up about what happens when a woman's pregnant. God help you if you have a daughter.

No need to insult the guy, jeez.

OP sounds like you need to get out. Very unfortunate you have a baby on the way.

[St. Elmo's Fire]

Well you're clearly an idiot. Ever heard of hormones? Read up about what happens when a woman's pregnant. God help you if you have a daughter.

No need to insult the guy, jeez.

OP sounds like you need to get out. Very unfortunate you have a baby on the way.

Marriage AND baby, she knows she can start to REALLY open the taps now, innit.

Plus, y'know, what Mittz said, the pregnant behaviour factor does need to be kept in mind.

[Axm]

Jeez, people throwing divorce around like its a serious option need to chill.

I've been married for 8 years now and can tell you all women are abit mental especially during a period or pregnancy.
You gotta just let them air out what they want to say and be the confident sure hand that guides things out of being bigger than they are. The worst thing you did was to let things sit like that for a week. A day at most is all you will ever need for anything and even then I dont recommend anything sitting overnight that can't be discussed after a quick cool down. Don't go to bed mad. Don't try and be the winner. Just focus on what you will do together as a couple in the future to prevent it from happening again.
You love her. She loves you. Deal with it and move forward.

[patq2]

This forum must be special. I have friends, family an other specific forums I could have gone to but something drew me here.

I am on a fast downwards spiral mentally. On the face of it, I am doing great. 28 years old and I own a car outright, recently bought my own house and got married middle of this year. All of this paid for with my own money. I also have a child on the way, a seemingly great job and apart from being a bit of the chubby side, I am healthy. However, mentally I am in the worst position I have ever been in. My productivity at work and slumped to pretty much doing nothing and I do not care if I get fired. And the child that is on the way, should be motivating me, but again I don't care. I was brave enough to refer myself in for mental help and I am just waiting to see what happens.

Anyway, first I just want your opinion as my wife and I had an argument and when we tried to resolve it, it just made the situation worse. I am quite a flinchy/ticklish guy. My wife loves to do things that make me jump. On occasions I have flinched and hit her by mistake. For example, she snuck up on me and grabbed me by the ribs once and I struck her with an elbow. She has been doing this for years and I have told her how extremely irritating it is all the time, however, though it gets to me I bit my lip about it as she wouldn't stop and it was just her way of having fun.

However, since she got pregnant, especially now that she is showing, I have pleaded with her to stop doing it. Though it is unlikely and hasn't happened in the past, I don't even want to risk me hitting her in the stomach for obvious reasons. Even when we sleep, I make sure she sleeps with a thick pillow in front of her stomach in case she was going to (as she does often) spook me out of my sleep. Anyway, we were in living room and she snuck up on me and tickled my ribs. I turned to her and sternly (though not to cause any bad vibe between us) and said "please, please, please don't do that. I know it's weird but I really don't want to accidentally hit you". She dismissed it by saying "yeah, yeah" and I turned around to continue what I was doing. A few seconds later she comes up to me and does it again. This time I lost it, as she turned around I through a small, half empty hand moisturizer bottle at her behind.

I went on to ask why she was so stubborn and what she done was idiotic. We ended up having an small argument and never spoke to each other for literally a week. This Monday we had a talk about it after work and she was putting all the blame on me. I apologized and said I shouldn't have thrown the thing at her, but also pointed out it was far less harmful than her "playfully" punching me in the chest all the time. She kept going on about how no man has hit her before and that she had to check she wasn't bleeding because the bottle throw hurt so bad. She also kept repeating how disappointed and scared she was at me due to the fact I could "consciously beat your wife with a bottle".

All of this was being said in front of strangers in the bar we were in and it was like she was intentionally raising her voice for all to hear. I got to a point I was believing that I beated on her with a bottle, not a half empty, travel size bottle of hand cream. She also kept on saying my reaction was not justified. I know it wasn't, but had to stress she pushed me to this by constantly doing something I have asked her not to do. It's like Chinese Water Torture. Strap someone to a chair and drop drops of water on their head is no biggy. Do it for an hour and it will drive a man insane!

We always have these arguments where I just feel that she does not take account my feelings, exaggerates the situation until she believes that as truth and is so stubborn in her ways that she can't even admit when she was in the wrong even if it slaps her in the face. I can't take it anymore. If it wasn't for this baby on the way and the house, I would have sought a divorce.

Sorry for the rant guys. I had to get it off my chest somewhere. If she can't respect your feelings despite being told repeatedly and you can't stop hitting or throwing things at her when she doesn't then continuing to have a relationship with her is a non starter. Unfortunate about having one on the way, that complicates matters. But raising a child in a toxic environment is not fair to the child so your best bet is to break it off and move out with visitation rights with your kid.
assuming of course this isn't a troll
Or, if that doesn't work, there's always Plan B It was a kinda violent reaction, but you two must not be in the best of terms I guess.

Probably you are just really anxious about the big changes that are going to occur, maybe you should go to a psychiatrist to give you some anxiety medication and hope for the best.

You are in a though position if you would already have had a divorce if it wasn't for the pregnancy though.

BTW elboing someone because you are "ticklish" is not normal behavior, really, you should talk to a therapist or something. She sounds like a huge pain in the ass. Why would you tolerate her spooking you out of your sleep regularly? Sounds like a pretty psycho thing to do. Just like publicly twisting the facts about that "bottle beating" incident. Why live with someone like that? You keep apologizing and submitting to her, she keeps manipulating and dominating to an unhealthy degree. Break out of that. Find your balls and speak up or, and that would probably the best thing to do, divorce the weirdo cunt. It's kinda hard to divorce while waiting for a baby.

And yes, if the conversation went how this thread says, it's very manipulative, hopefully you don't get stuck with some borderline psycho.

But to be honest both seem kinda unestable, hopefully it's just the anxiety of having a kid, and things can get back to normal. Just to clarify, the elbow was not intentional. I was surprised and raised an elbow when reacting She's does weird things when we sleep, like popping up and shaking me awake. Most of the time it is not concious, more night tremors. She does however shake me awake when I snore which has been another issue. I wake up much earlier than I have to either because sets her alarm ridiculously early or now that she's pregnant, when I take her to the station everyday. I am a bad sleeper as it is and have let her know that her waking me up all the time is very detrimental to my health. There was like a month period where, for whatever reason I was snoring. The second I would doze off and make the slightest sound she would wake me up. I tried and tried explaining to her what damage it is doing but she continued.

Funny thing is, when I brought up the fact that one day she was snoring the house down she asked why I didn't wake her up to which I replied "I know you have work early in the morning and like to get as much sleep as possible". The fact that she even asked me shows that whatever part of the brain that manages consideration for other people in completely lacking. I believe the divorce talks are a bit rushed, unless you already set your mind for it. It's unfair for me to judge you or your wife as I don't know you in person, so I think you guys need an objective, professional eye like a marriage counsellor to dig deep through your problems and go from there. It seems (by your account) that your wife is clueless of her actions being detrimental and any word from you would bring her to a defensive stance or a simply shrug, so that's why a professional third party would be ideal as it would put her "denial" open to talks. I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
The problem seems miniscule, therefore easily fixable. Just seek help.

If you still want a divorce b/c of a certain characteristic of your wife, then why the heck did you marry and made her pregnant to begin with? You probably knew that she might have that trait way before your marriage and/or her pregnancy.

Use condoms the next time. We have enough criminals in our ranks - background info: most prison inmates grew up in fatherless homes.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
The world around you

PS: Dropping the soap really hurts... this can't be your child's future job... don't drop the soap or you will get a big black dick in yo butt
I also hope the lawmakers are passing laws which will discourage such irresponsible behaviour. Nothing is free in the world. The prisons are funded through taxpayer money, and fathers who leave their children for no real reason should pay more taxes, if it is proven that the child got unstable due to fatherlessness. Well you're clearly an idiot. Ever heard of hormones? Read up about what happens when a woman's pregnant. God help you if you have a daughter. have you thought about joining an outdoor fitness club or running club? it can greatly help out your mental health & you get fit at the same time. Watch out if you do go for a divorce, if she's already manipulating the situation to be worse than it is (saying "he assaulted me with a bottle" in front of other people, saying "I had to check I wasn't bleeding because it hurt so much" etc.), then the level of crazy will probably multiply ten-fold and she may say those things to a solicitor and/or in court to make you look bad. No need to insult the guy, jeez.

OP sounds like you need to get out. Very unfortunate you have a baby on the way. Marriage AND baby, she knows she can start to REALLY open the taps now, innit.

Plus, y'know, what Mittz said, the pregnant behaviour factor does need to be kept in mind. Jeez, people throwing divorce around like its a serious option need to chill.

I've been married for 8 years now and can tell you all women are abit mental especially during a period or pregnancy.
You gotta just let them air out what they want to say and be the confident sure hand that guides things out of being bigger than they are. The worst thing you did was to let things sit like that for a week. A day at most is all you will ever need for anything and even then I dont recommend anything sitting overnight that can't be discussed after a quick cool down. Don't go to bed mad. Don't try and be the winner. Just focus on what you will do together as a couple in the future to prevent it from happening again.
You love her. She loves you. Deal with it and move forward.