Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

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Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby Himuro » Sun Jan 22, 2017 4:01 am

Looking back, at all the people I've hurt and my attitude. Since the election I've taken a hard look at my behavior and how it effects others. I've come to realize I'm a bad person. I'm writing a list of every thing I've done to harm someone and I feel like apologizing to them. I want to get better, but each new day is so hard. I used to tell myself I was a decent person but more and more I realize how much I have taken for granted. Especially my family and friends. You know that phrase,"it's not them, it's you?" I've come to the realization that it really is me. Anyone else feel that way? Now I know why Abrahamic religion is so popular.

Found this Quora discussion and I really identify with the OP.

https://www.quora.com/I-have-realized-t ... o-about-it

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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby SlySpy » Sun Jan 22, 2017 7:44 am

If you truly believe yourself to be a bad person, and you don't want to be a bad person, then take steps to make sure you become a better person. Not a better someone else, but a better you. You can't be a saint overnight; every deliberation in terms of altering aspects of your actions or personality will take discipline and time.

Do everything to make amends for the things you regret, and even if you are not completely forgiven, the important part is trying to make things right on your end. Sometimes, situations resolve themselves later on, and even if you don't, you should take comfort in the fact that you made a genuine try at making good with whoever you felt you've hurt.

I know you probably formulated your own plans, and you're probably not looking for advice with this topic, but I want to at least give you some form of assurance that your biggest obstacle to bettering yourself is you. If you want to get better, you will find a way, so long as you're serious about it.

I don't know you or your life on a personal level, but I do sincerely hope things work out for you, or anybody you know in the future. If this is comforting for you at all, the fact that you're even thinking about bettering yourself as a person, means you've already become better than you were before you came to your realization.

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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby south carmain » Sun Jan 22, 2017 9:17 am

Follow the moral law not by doing what you think is ok to do upon others but rather not to do what you wouldn't want others to do to you

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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby ShenGCH » Sun Jan 22, 2017 10:34 am

There's a strange dichotomy with the whole 'good person vs. bad person' thing. A person who proudly considers his/herself a good person might just be doing so in order to justify acts and behaviours that are inherently wrong, evil, and/or morally ambiguous, refusing to accept responsibility for the aforementioned, whereas a person who considers his/herself a bad person acknowledges what they're doing, or have done in the past, is wrong and are thus more inclined to accept responsibility and maybe even make amends for those things. The yardstick by which 'good person vs. bad person' is judged by the person in question themselves carries a whole host of convoluted factors, but it's pretty black and white to an outside perspective.

If you want my advice: try to be the best possible person you can, or think you can, but never consider yourself a good person, nor strive for others to accept you as the latter. That's for others to judge. Be humble and pursue that which is objectively good-natured and without questionable morality.

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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby Sokora » Sun Jan 22, 2017 7:35 pm

Have you thought about talking to a counsellor?

I know there is still a stigma about it, but like internet dating it's becoming much more prevalent, and for some people necessary, as we live in a much more hyper evolved existence even in comparison to 20 or 30 years ago.

It's not like seeing a "shrink", where they attempt to sort your shit out for you. Counselling is more like giving you the opportunity to sort it of your own accord but just giving you the nudge in the right direction.

Whatever happens, just know that there's always an opportunity to change. It's never too late.

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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby Sokora » Sun Jan 22, 2017 8:13 pm

Oh and truly bad people don't recognise they've done anything wrong, so you're halfway on the way to redemption already.

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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby Himuro » Sun Jan 22, 2017 9:57 pm

Slowly going through a list of people I want to apologize to. Going well so far. Tried to reach out to a friend and they didn't really seem receptive. Oh well.

Also made a list of things I hate about myself that are holding me back and can often result in other people thinking less of me such as my procastination. I watched a universitu lecture on that today on how to defeat procastinating and so far today at least it's helpful but I know I have a long way to go.

Appreciate all the responses.
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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby Let's Get Sweaty » Mon Jan 23, 2017 11:43 am

I've been meaning to watch that too, but I never quite get around to it.
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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby Anonymous81 » Mon Jan 23, 2017 12:17 pm

I don't believe anyone is wholly good or bad. (A characterization that also has a lot of subjectivity to it imho, as different cultures, peoples, ideologies, and philosophies all view character and morality a bit differently.) Every good person I've ever met has done things they regret to others. And every "bad" person I've ever heard of - all the way up to someone like, say, Hitler, as demonstrably evil and horrendous as their actions were - still had people they cared about in their lives. So there is always a spark of good in everyone, no matter how small.

I know that's an incredibly idealistic and rosy perspective, but it's what I believe. If Anne Frank could go through what she did, and still, despite staring down arguably among the greatest darkness to date in human history, say, "I still truly believe people are good at heart," then who am I to argue with the likes of her?

That said, I believe it is very laudable to want to improve oneself and to expand the good one does to and for others. So my advice would simply be, do what you're already doing to make amends, and be conscious in every moment rather than reacting to situations without consideration of the impact of your reaction. Be mindful and think carefully, empathize, and consider before speaking or acting. As others have said, ask yourself, "If I was this person, how would I want to be treated? And how do I treat them that way, while still communicating my point of view?"

You'll never be perfect... none of us are. But by doing that, you'll be doing the most anyone can ask of a human being, flawed as we all are.

And for the record, I don't believe you are a bad person. If you were, you wouldn't be talking about this. It's not that black or white.
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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby Megumin » Wed Jan 25, 2017 1:47 pm

I feel something like that. Recently I have done many things that I am not proud of. Also, a bad thing happened to me recently. A person who I thought was my friend broke my heart. At first, I was very angry and then though maybe it was my bad karma. Now, I am thinking of changing myself and the way I live. However, that is very difficult when you go through such a depressive period. I hope I will still be able to change, I wish same to you if that is what you want.
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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby Riku Rose » Sat Feb 11, 2017 5:59 am

There was a documentary series about someone going through something similar to yourself which I'd suggest watching. It's called My Name is Earl.

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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby UnHoly Bible » Wed Feb 15, 2017 9:38 pm

A thing I like to do to alleviate the distress of these kinds of thoughts is create art, or anything creative, even if its just an idea on paper, cooking, whatever that represents the bad stuff in a positive light. Kind of externalizing that negativity into a positive form, and try to forgive yourself for somethings cause its not always necessary or possible to receive that from others.

And yeah, most people aren't so great, a lot of our actions are beyond control at the times they happen, gotta do the best you can I guess.
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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby King John Blaze » Fri Mar 10, 2017 4:41 am

Such an excellent thread.

Back in my younger days I was such a dick head and a terrible child. Can't put my finger on it why I was such a frankly evil person. I had a sudden realisation of this back when I was like 13 and got my comeuppance by being bullied throughout most of my school life. However, even then I never learnt my lesson and disrespected my wife on a number of occasions which reduced her to tears, near breakdowns and feeling depressed at times. Despite now being almost 28 years of age, I am still upsetting people though no where to the intentional extent I was doing previously. In a somewhat chronological order -

Constantly fight with other children back when I was in primary school (less than 10 years old). A few particular incidents I remember were waiting for a girl at her desk and repeatedly punching her over the head and during a school photo shoot, I grabbed her skirt and refused to let go. I remember her begging me to let go but at the same time trying not to be loud and draw attention to it. Her uncomfortable and concerned look is burnt into my memories.

Got moved to another school and again remember being a bully to some extent (though I was teased quite badly). I remember there being an American girl who's parents sent her to the UK for reasons I can't remember. I remember one incident where I reduced her to uncontrollable tears as I said her parents did not love her and wanted to get rid of her.

My mum also used to foster children and I would treat them like shit. Ban them from coming into my room to watch TV and force them to sit from outside the room. Again, I remember their faces and my smug smile. It constantly haunts me. I also used to constantly fight with them and beg my mum to get rid of them. I also used to have a somewhat sexual relationship with one of the girls, sneaking in her room and bed. It seemed consensual at the time but looking back I definitely took advantage. I also used to have cousins stay over and made them feel like shit. Yes, they never pulled their weight in a free house but my reaction was completely over the top and unnecessary.

I also remember an incident with my little brother where I completely lost it driven by pure jealously. He was the popular one amongst all the cousins, everybody loved him. I hated the fact he had his own group of friends and I had nobody. One day we were wrestling and he hit me a bit hard or something and I completely went ape. Repeatedly hitting him over the head (he had a problem there) and it was almost like I was trying to kill him. Funny thing is, when people are driven by jealously they don't realise it or admit it to themselves. On this occasion I knew why I done what I had done straight away and even during the assault.

But as mentioned before, I got my comeuppance. By the time I turned 12 or so I realised how much of an idiot I was and tried to calm myself down. However, from there I was bullied in all three schools up until I was 16 and was bullied so severely in my last school I attempted suicide with sleeping pills. Went to college and just figured out that if I never talk to or draw the attention of anybody, nobody will have any reason to bully me. I remember having a phone where the battery will last weeks because no one will call me on it. I had no more than 15 contacts with the vast majority of them being family members.

Skip forward 5 or so years and I then meet my now wife. Oh my god, if you see this girls she is at the very least 11/10 and had every single guy looking to date her. Somehow, some way, I ended up with her but was still so insecure I could not believe she would like someone like me. However, as some kind of sick insurance policy (and the fact that me dating her boosted my confidence with girls) on numerous occasions I flirted with other girls, left text messages on my phone to make her jealous and just acted like an overall dick.

In a way, it's good that all this happened. Hopefully the people I have hurt are not damaged or scarred because of my actions. Still, hopefully, have a lot of life in front of me and though my relations with my wife can improve, I just hope this not only makes me a better person, but makes me makes people better as well.

I still have some anger issues, confidence issues but now I am dedicated to helping out my friends and family and not hurting them. My mums is currently in the process of losing her home and I am trying my best for her. I have helped out my brother finding work, got friends jobs and promotions. Overall realising I am a bad person has set me on a somewhat good path.
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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby KiBa » Wed Mar 29, 2017 12:41 am

Silence answers all questions.
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Re: Realizing you're a bad person. What next?

Postby Bluecast » Tue May 02, 2017 5:46 pm

Sorry for the bump. I got professional help. I found myself and worked to be better and still am. Changed my attitude. Stopped being angry,became more mellow. I snapped at little things and had control issues.If you feel you're in a place that brings out the worst in you than take a break or leave all together. Find something positive to get aggression out in the meantime.

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