Ahhh life. Full of contradictions, stresses and straight up bull shit. From day one you are told study hard, go to university, get a job, buy the house, get the wife so you can have children and be a contributer to society.
Some people do this swimmingly where others, like me, end up in weird limbo type situation. A precarious situation, where you're successful enough to initially achieve the stereotypical successes in life, but not successful enough to live life comfortably.
Found my love at 23, engaged 25, homeowner 26 and married 27. Good job and always being praised by the family of what a great example I am. Great being me right?
So, wife is pregnant and a month before she is due the boss sits me down and tells me my role isn't working and a decision needs to be made. Not the best news in any situation, but a baby on the way and a mortgage to pay (as the wife has stopped working) makes things so much worst.
Not knowing whether I'm going to be fired tomorrow, next week or given the rest of the month I am stressed, pissed the fuck off and falling ever into a deeper depression. I find myself at a family dinner and decide to make the announcement that my wife is due (as she's 30 weeks and people keep asking where she is), only to be abused by my bitch-cousins who are giving me stick for leaving the announcement so late. Fuck them.
Then I start looking at them and going into my promised-myself-not-to-think-like-this-again judgemental self. Thinking how none of them work, have more children than me, and at a much younger age, and live in a house that is bigger than mine but don't have to pay the the almost £2,000 a month in mortgages, council tax and bills to keep a roof over their damn heads. So all that hard work and for fucking what? Yes, in 25 fucking years I won't have a mortgage to pay and own my own home whilst they...damn it, there's not much of a difference is there? They'll still be living in a house for free and not having to lift much of a finger for all there recreation and fancy goods.
Meanwhile me, the fucking model for society, has to constantly work my ass off to make sure my house does not get repossessed. I don't get any assistance from the government when I need it, despite paying tens of thousands of pounds in taxes over the past decade where as if I fucking irresponsibly had a thousand children and not worked a single day in my life, I would be living in a mansion rent free by now.
More money, more problems. The bigger you are the harder you fall. Maybe I'm the sucker? The idiot borrowing money to buy a house and end up paying back twice as much as your borrowed in the end where you could have just been put up somewhere for free. The sucker working 5 days a week (and on my days off) in a highly pressured job to make ends meet where I could be lounging in my garden paddling pool and collecting benefits. The twat who decided to have children once I had a home, some savings and a job where I could have just done it much earlier and be given a bigger house each time I had another child.
So, as I prepare to see a therapist on Monday to discuss my depression and the fact I'm losing my job at the worst possible time, I just want to say a huge FUCK YOU to all the fucking scroungers out there who are living a stress free life of my taxes and popping out children left, right and centre without having to worry about losing your home, dignity or damaging your reputation (because you fucking don't have any) . I applaud you. Somehow, some really unjust fucking way, you're smarter than me. You've played the system better than me and for that I fucking applaud you