Amongst all of the fights, countless letters home and detentions my finest moment was when I tried to burn the school down..and almost suceeded. There was a paper recycling bin next to the chemistry department (very stupid place to put it) and I chucked in a lit piece of paper, next thing I know the thing went up in a smoke within seconds. I did a runner and sat in the library. Next thing loads of my mates pile in pissing themselves laughing saying all the teachers were panicking trying to put it out. They struggled for quite a while but eventually managed it, then the investigation commenced.
Must of gone on for a month - first they claimed they had cctv evidence of who did it, but I knew where the cunts put those camera's so I called their bluff..they were lying. Then they gave the whole school detention for weeks on end hoping someone would grass, but no one did. Then they did a compulsory anonymous ballot for everyone in school to put a name down and mine came up but to my surprise so did another kids who I hated. We had an intesnse week long interrogation and eventually with my cool calm persuasive skills they pulled me to one side and apologised for wasting my time and said they knew it was him all along.
I found it hilarious, went home told my parents and the cunts rang up the school and grassed me up..something about morals and you do the crime you do the time. Got excluded for a week, bastards.
When I was 12 (year7?), I discovered a larder in the food technology department, that stored all the choc bars and crisps for the tuck shop - remember those? After staying behind for a club one day I chanced it and was delighted with a sneaky haul of several boxes of dairy milk and mars bars which I transferred into my locker, with the intention of selling them for 30p a time which was a good rate back then. A good trade developed over the next few days but some fat kid who had bought one grassed me up because he thought they were stolen.
The lies that fell out of my mouth that afternoon in the headmaster's office. I concocted a story that a bad man waited in the field in our village where I trained on thursday nights with the under 13s team, and when we were doing our laps at the start I had to go into the next field where he waited and give him the money I made from selling them. I told them if I didnt get him enough money each week, he had threatened to rape me in the butt.
I was expecting a compassionate understanding response.
I was not expecting to be jogging round the field that thursday, as 8 police officers waited in various hiding places - a dog unit primed for response nearby and my foster mum sitting in a car with my social worker sobbing uncontrollably. Needless to say the mystery man didn't show and I just stood there like a lemon for half hour thinking ' fuck,fuck,fuck...'
Summer holidays were particularly shit that year. And I was never allowed a locker again :(
What's the worst shit that happened at your school that either you or mates did?