The Shenmue III Publicity Proposal Too Hot for GameFAQs

[BunBunF]

I made what some might call a radical (or radically ridiculous) proposition to the GameFAQs Shenmue III board, before some flighty young thing apparently deemed my idea to be too much for their little sensitive heart to handle. As such, it was wiped off the board before anyone really replied. So here I am, hoping the heart of the community is not so strict as to demand this proposal's immediate removal. If there's any chance of someone seeing this and being inspired to do something in the same vein, that could change the course of Shenmue's fate, I must exhaust that possibility.

Let me stress that while I am being tongue-in-cheek, it's only in part. You can't tell me this is COMPLETELY inconceivable; I'm not suggesting mass suicide or some stunt of superhuman ability. At the end of the day, what I propose is among the most simple and harmless of human acts -- it's part of life. If I need to superficially censor this with the spoilers tag, then I'll certainly comply. Although I hardly think it's necessary, and I imagine we're all adults here.

Now, without further ado...

What about flash mob public masturbation?
With 50k backers, I'd imagine we could round up at least a hundred Shenmue fans worldwide who'd be willing to spend the night in jail or take the record so as to make Shenmue III the best game it can be. I'm sure there's plenty of weirdo Europeans who'd be willing to join that aren't even Shenmue fans. "Public masturbation? Bellissimo!" We may even be able to go higher than a hundred.

Think about it: 100+ people in jeans, brown leather jackets, and wearing short, spiky Ryo-esque wigs/do's, carrying placards reading "SHENMUE YSNET" (ensuring even the most lazy Google search gets them you know where), periodically stopping to ask pedestrians, "Have you seen any sailors?" Then when the collective reaches a designated wide-open area, they make themselves wide-open — men and women alike ditching their jeans and setting themselves to furious self-pleasure, perhaps punctuated by cries of ecstasy exclaiming, "SHEEENNMUUUUEEE!!!" No one actually gets hurt, right? And yet it's over-the-top, completely ridiculous and sensational. The method of "demonstration" is so universal, I bet it'd even be reported internationally.

But I think it would have to take place in America at least, for it to get national coverage here (typical). So I was thinking, say, the Capitol Lawn? Times Square? Ellis Island occurred to me, but then you'd probably get PC ****-slingers talking about disrespect in a way you might not elsewhere. So I don't know, but I'd imagine TImes Square is very doable, and visible indeed.

In any event, I can see this working. Imagine even garnering support from open-minded arresting officers; as they drive the Ryo-Strokers/finger-blasters downtown or write up their paperwork, they have the situation explained to them and they throw in some pledges. I've heard $6 million mentioned as an ideal/reasonable minimum, and even that looks sketchy. Personally, I'm going to have regrets no matter what if it doesn't hit $9 million. Which is almost definitely not going to happen at this point.

I mean, desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

So goes the original text. The idea is undeniably silly and lewd, but again, harmless to the public, and -- most importantly -- has potential to achieve the desired impact. You gotta admit it. We don't all have "Chinese English-teaching school's coffers" angles that we can use to grab headlines, and I can't help but worry.

And there's so many ways to go about this sort of thing, barring these exact terms. If we Shenmue fans don't have the balls (literally), couldn't an outside group -- like a BDSM enthusiast circle or nudist colony -- be commissioned to execute for us? Or even if it's not full-fledged mass masturbation, a stunt of smaller scope could suffice. But I do think it has to involve nudity on some level; as I've alluded to, there are but two fundamental forms of visceral expression for humans: sex and violence. And violence is out of the question... Duh.

You can call nude/sexual stunts stupid, but it's not like we've hatched some ultra-clever viral marketing scheme up to this point. There's only so much time left, and if crazy/sensational enough, the method COULD work. Even if it's just one guy streaking through London or the Vatican (do they have sex offender registries in Europe?). But the more people, the better the chances of raising awareness. Otherwise the premise needs to be great, and the execution flawless.

P.S. I'm unable to log-in to the Dojo from Firefox on my desktop, and I couldn't register either. Believe it or not, I'm writing this on my Wii U. Never had this problem before with any other site or forum. Any ideas?

[Wude-Tang Clan]

[nskachu]

Sorry mate, but this would be so pathetic. Just the idea makes me almost puke. Besides, this has nothing to do wirh what Shenmue is about. I'd rather have Shenmue without any stretch goals than a well-funded Shenmue this way. Your proposal is disguisting. No member of our species should deny its own dignity to provide entertainment (for people who will most likely not even care in the end). Also: Of course people get "hurt" by this. This is offensive. I hope that, if this is no ridiculous troll that I don't realize as such, you see the mistake in this whole idea.

[Anonymous81]

I would argue indecent exposure DOES harm the public, particularly if children are present, so I can't get behind this. Cheers for thinking outside the box, but I think we need to reign in the insanity a bit and think more about the health of the public image of Shenmue than to do some stunt that could mar its reputation in the public eye. Publicity or no.

Now, a fully clothed flash mob on the other hand, a peaceful sudden influx of people standing together wearing Shenmue T-shirts or something... that I might deem reasonable. I doubt there's time to organize it, though.

Sadly I feel the biggest publicity stunt we're going to get already happened: the E3 announcement during Sony's conference. Now we need to focus all our energy on fund raising and spreading awareness (in safe, reasonable ways imo.)

[NeoShredder]

TEEPO's grand return?

[Three Blades]

lol

[ElephantStone]

This is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever read.

[NeoShredder]

I miss the Junk Forum

[LucBu]

I mean, desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

We're not desperate though. We're just going as far as we can go. But feel free to do the public masturbation thing yourself BunBun. Hell if you want to visit hangouts and public places, go it alone, do your thing, and if they're not impressed by what you've got just move on.

[Peter]

I think jumping off of a cliff dressed as Ryo Hazuki would also drive the message home....

[BunBunF]

First of all, as I can see how this is eliciting shocked and horrified reactions already, I want to implore the administration to at least leave this for a day and not moderate it. This is not really about saying that there should be mass public masturbation; it's about making an appeal for SOME kind of highly visible, viral spectacle. The fact that the spectacle of anything would be multiplied by nudity/sexual elements is common sense, I think. Admittedly, the "organized masturbation" idea was entirely a joke when I had it, but then I considered the impact of something of the sort. Guess I shouldn't have lead with it... Again, say the word and I'll edit the content if it saves the topic.

That is seriously one of the best instances of a .gif response I've ever seen, laughed my ass off. I pat myself on the back for my part in the set-up. But enough about patting myself...

No member of our species should deny its own dignity to provide entertainment (for people who will most likely not even care in the end). Also: Of course people get "hurt" by this. This is offensive. I hope that, if this is no ridiculous troll that I don't realize as such, you see the mistake in this whole idea.

So masturbation is bad? True, there are more dignified things one can do, but it's par for the misguided and suffocatingly puritanical course to call self pleasure shameful and disgusting. Although again, you should consider my radical idea more of a half-joke to broach discussion of what can be done. Not a literal call for us to....y'know...

Though I will emphatically disagree with your "offensive" remark. I don't believe anything in life to be offensive. I do believe in anathema, yes, but not this artifact called "offensiveness".

I would argue indecent exposure DOES harm the public, particularly if children are present, so I can't get behind this. Cheers for thinking outside the box, but I think we need to reign in the insanity a bit and think more about the health of the public image of Shenmue than to do some stunt that could mar its reputation in the public eye. Publicity or no.

Now, a fully clothed flash mob on the other hand, a peaceful sudden influx of people standing together wearing Shenmue T-shirts or something... that I might deem reasonable. I doubt there's time to organize it, though.

Two things about perceived harm to the public: 1. I actually considered the problem of children as pedestrians and onlookers, and accordingly, it could be worked around by having the protest in-doors. Say, in a bar, or a well-known nightlife establishment where no child would be present. And 2. This is really more an academic point, but... While I would never condone someone pursuing any sort of sexual exposure or interaction with a child, I also don't think it'd be the end of the world if a child happened to catch a glimpse of someone masturbating from 30 yards away or whatever. It's like that classic meme in media of the mother covering a child's eyes when a woman's top flies off in a movie or something. It's treated as a cute, mischievous moment. Not scarring trauma. What if we just threw together a streak of several dozen people, sans genital manipulation? That'd be safely in the "mischief" column, and not the obscene.

About PG protest, of course I think that's preferable, but it IS true nudity would have an exponential effect, yes? Unless the PG idea is just that good. By all means, if we can formulate a PG publicity stunt that can be effective, we should do so. Any ideas then?

Man, I'm at a serious disadvantage with this GamePad....

[Peter]

Yea good one. Make a topic even suggesting something like this again and you will be warned.